Gelbe Schafe

On Wednesday night my friend, Kelsie, did something really stupid. She left home and walked a couple miles to my house in the cold and the dark, trying to get back at her mum for being slightly bitchy.

Now, was that right, or wrong?

I was annoyed with her, so I didn't even pay attention to her for around 3 hours.

Now, was that wrong, or right?

Kelsie is having issues at home with doing her chores, and issues at school about doing her work and paying attention in class, and that good shit. She's failing Science, Math, and English as far as I've been able to gather. Her mum is threatening with sending her to school somewhere else since she doesn't seem to be getting the attention she needs here.

Now, is that right, or wrong?

Kelsie's been banned for the time being of coming to Leo Club meetings and Grange meetings, I'm not allowed to stay over night, and she's not allowed to come over here. I can't go over on weekdays. So, basically, I'm only going to be seeing Kelsie during school, and maybe on weekends. That pisses me off, because she's my only friend in Gorham, and perhaps basically my only friend right now anyway. I get angry at her, at her mum, and sometimes at myself because I feel I'm part of the problem.

Now, is that right, or wrong?

Today Kelsie was supposed to go to a thing at the town library, Baxter library, but she's grounded, and so couldn't go. I walked down to her house anyway, since she's not far away, and spent around 1 and a 1/2 hours with her before I left again. When I got back to the library, they were closing. Turns out I had the time wrong and they closed at 12:30, not 1:30. Luckily I got a ride back to Kelsie's house with one of the women who had been working at the library, so I didn't have to walk all the way back. Before we left I called my mum and told her where I was going to be so that my dad could pick me up.
A minute or so after I've gotten to Kelsie's house, taken off my shoes, and joined the people in the livingroom (Kelsie was in her room), my dad comes in the door! I was expecting to leave right away, but my dad stayed and talked for about half an hour, so I chatted with Kelsie some in her room. Kelsie wasn't happy. Actually, she was rather depressed. I worked at it and got her happy, so at least she was nice enough to make me think I cheered her up. I have no idea how long she stayed anywhere near happy after I left, but I hope I did cheer her up a little. She's got some major shit in her life. My big problem: I can't stand not being with my friend, espiecally when she's right there... RIGHT THERE! I wish she'd hurry up and fix the mess so that we can hang out again.

Now, is that selfish, or what?

This was written @ Shifting Dreams (under the Idle Gagglings)

I've been around for a little bit... A year to two years, but I don't know. i don't keep track of the time, and when I do, my sense of time is so screwed anyway that I get mixed up

I'm a person that isn't really worth knowing. I have no connections, I suck at talking with people face to face or over the phone (I'm a type-it-up on the computer type of person, actually), and I'm shy, antisocial, and like to sit in my corner by myself watching the world go by as I use the computer or read or something....
Because of all that shysten, not very many people know me, and not very many people reach out to me. Though when someone does, I often connect with them.... but sometimes not.

I'm originally from Finland, but moved to the USA when I was a little kid. And now, at the age of 15, I'm having weird urges to go back to where I was born. I can understand the way my folks speak Swedish, but usually not "real" Swedes, because, well, my parents say it slightly different. I'm trying, in some weird sense, to learn how to read Finnish, even though there isn't much point to it, as I can't even understand the language anymore.

I'm deeply in love with the German language. I just love hearing it. I'm not sure why I like it so much, but it just sparks something in me when I listen to it. So, anyone out there knows German, let me know something about it. And if you live in Germany, tell me a little about the place. I'd sure as anythin like to listen. I'm not all too into actually learning the language, because something in me says that would take a little somethin or other away from listening to it, but I like to know phrases and words and such, so drop me a few (in German and English), if you have time and have nothin else to do.

I'm into horses and birds. I have a pigeon named Dovu... Er, I'm not sure how to spell it. My parents named him. It's dove/pigeon in Finnish or something.
I have a cute rabbit named Bandit, with some of the most awesome markings I've seen on a rabbit.

And just for the sake of saying it, and because I feel like saying, as I have nothing better to say: I have no sexual prefrence.
That might sound kind of weird, right?
Exactly, it is. I'm not interested in either sex in any sexual sort of way, except maybe one person, but that might just be the urge to have someone to rough and tumble with, I don't know. Eh heh, go figure.

Well, with all that said, I wonder if anyone is even going to read it. I always wonder that....

Here's some more stuff about me:

15, dirty blonde, round 5'5"-7" (not sure anymore), plump , green eyed, feminine-like hands, long pinky, thumb, and index finger nails, Water Dragon (Pisces & a Dragon); March 15, 1988, loves a lot of 80's music, enjoys Rammstein, Eisbrecher (sp?), and In Extremo (and still lookin for more bands), doesn't like rap or blues or most country, has several webpages (will be listed later in post), is located online in several places..... and lots more. Oh, and I write and draw, too.

I've been wanting my own server for a tiny while now. I wonder if I'll ever get it....
Here's some of my URL's:
At Full Empty
Gelbes Pheonix

Here's some places I'm at:
Shifting Dreams of course
Elftown I'm LoneTears
DS Market
Neopets.com Under cofema (not on anymore, really, but might check in sometime)


One thing that I've been wanting to do for a bit is sell photo and/or drawing prints, though more photo than drawing. I'm still figuring out if it would ever work Any suggestions and help would be welcome, though not expected.

Well, suppose that I've said enough, if not all too much, about myself. I'll let someone else on the soapbox now....


~Problems

What I wrote in my bio @ Elftown for Dec 1 & 3:
Wednesday, December 3, 2003
8:34 PM
Life Update...
---------------------------------
Found a quiz... I took it because it sounded interesting.... And shit, I just learned a lot about all of the personalities in my head (yes, I have as many as the hairs on my head!)
::
Disorder Rating Information
Paranoid: High click for info
Schizoid: High click for info
Schizotypal: Very High click for info
Antisocial: Moderate click for info
Borderline: Moderate click for info
Histrionic: Moderate click for info
Narcissistic: Moderate click for info
Avoidant: High click for info
Dependent: High click for info
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Quiz found @ [Sonkem]'s, quiz URL: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/perso nality_disorder_test.mv

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Monday, December 1, 2003
7:31 PM
Life Update...
---------------------------------
Congrats to me, I have a name for myself, a NEW one, AGAIN!!!! I have now dubbed myself SheepWithIssues... Whee hee.

And yeah.... Ich vermisse Sie, Kelsie!!!! -cries-

Well, nothing else much new... Check my blog for more interestin shit. I don't like to repeat myself with typing... So, yeah, if you're REALLY INTERESTED in my life, I update my blog every now and then. Lately I've been using it a lot. Whee hee.

(DEFINITIONS OF THE WORDS IN THAT QUIZ.... MOSTLY SO THAT I WILL REMEMBER WHAT THEY ARE!!!
Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.

Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."

Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.

Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.)

Haha, that title is my reaction to the way this comp. screen displays this page. It's different than mine is.... And sort of scary, too....

Anyway, on with what I came here to talk about.

I mentioned her before, my friend Kelsie... Erg, didn't say too much about her did I? Well. right now I'm in the Library at school and she's right here next to me on another computer checkin her e-mail, or something, not that I'm paying too much attention since I have other things to pay attention to, like typing this. So, why is it that I'm mentioning that little terd again? Because I feel like it and I have nothin better to talk about it. Eh heh.

I think it's funny how I tell her she sucks and that she's bitch.... I do it all the time. I wonder when she's going to get back at me for sayin that shit. Heehee. I still think it's funny though, and maybe I always will, I dunno. One other thing I say to her is, "You suck, you swallow, and you like it. I don't know what you suck and swallow and like, but you suck and swallow and like it." Pretty stupid right? Yeah, it is. I do all sorts of stupid shit around Kelsie, it's sort of weird. It's like she brings out the stupid in me or something. Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? I honestly have no clue whatsoever.... Eh, go figure.

Hmm, what else can I say about my "not-friend" Kelsie? I don't know. There's a lot of crazy shit about her... Like how the computer she uses at the Library always gets some issue and tosses her off when she's checkin her e-mail, like it just did. Was damn funny too. Not that I'm laughing out loud, that's just not nice, but I can laugh on the inside all I want to. Heeheehawhawhurrhurr.

Well, it was a couple days ago when Kelsie stayed over the night (which might not be a safe thing anymore... I don't think I should go over her house anymore either, but I do anyway... Habits are hard to break once formed, right?) and she was lying on my bed...

Okay, here's the part where you think something queer happened. Make sure to think that, or... I dunno. Whatever. On with the story....

And I wanted to go to sleep, so I laid down and all that good shit. Of course I didn't go to sleep, and we talked instead. And then, at some point, my way of thinking suddenly reverted several years and I started acting like a little kid. It all began with, "Why do babies put things in their mouths?" So, basically, I stuck Kelsie's fingers in my mouth, and I figured out why babies do that. They learn shit, you know? Of course it tastes bad >.< and is sort of weird sticking someone else's fingers in your mouth, but it is a learning thing. Hell, I know that I never want my fingers in Kelsie's mouth again (I poke her and so she turns around and tries to bite me, sometimes she wins and gets my finger), because her tongue feels gross... But, well, you know, I got back at her for that.. .Sort of. I didn't run my tongue all over her fingers, since it's gross.

Wow, this is some real funny shit.

I'm going to go now, since you might be wondering about my sanity, like I am...

So, adios, good-bye, and guten natch.

OKay, so I don't think I spelled that last one right, but shoot me. I don't even think I got the damn thing right.... Fick.